Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
