Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Drunk is not a location!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He shit in the fireplace
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
