I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
