Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
