I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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