I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
