M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
