I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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