god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
