Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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