I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i believe in u and ur pee
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