So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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