The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
