Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
