That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My vagina just recognized that song.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
