Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
two words: eviction party
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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