Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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