i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
