She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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