im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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