Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
