I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
