How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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