i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
