Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
