No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
