Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
