if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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