Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
