Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
