She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
