I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i permit you to call me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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