4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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