Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
