I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
