Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i now understand why vodka
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
