yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
