why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
