When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
