dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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