So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Randomize
