Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
