i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
