Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
