Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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