you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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