I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
