well you can't waste a boner
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
