Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
