I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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