I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
